A fatalistic point of view


Do you believe in fate?

As many of you will know, there are not a lot of life paths that travel smoothly without a single bump, blockade, detour or fork. I am pleased to say that mine hasn’t actually been too bad when I consider the kind of obstacles I could have come across in my life but thankfully have not.  However, I have had my fair share rocky roads.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason (here I am talking about my life and my personal experiences.  I know everyone is different in their thoughts and beliefs on the subject). When I consider them, I know that, on the whole, things have turned out for the best and I am still on the right road in my life.  If you’re wondering why I have written this post rather than happiness 2,  I decided that because the two tie in together, that happiness part two would make more sense knowing, as you will by the end of this, that I am a fatalist.

First off, detours.

Here I am referring to actual physical ones.  I have moved several times in my life. Some moves have been far more significant than others. I would say the ones when I have had to move to a different province (In South Africa, this was from Jo’burg to Natal) and a different country (and that would be moving from South Africa to England) have been the two most significant moves.  When I had only just finished school, I was told we would be moving from Johannesburg to Durban.  At the time, my plan had been to go to the University of Cape Town where I had been provisionally accepted (all I had to do was write the entry exam and do the interview) to complete an LLB Degree, in commercial law.  Can you imagine me as a lawyer?  Well, at the time, I could.  The move shifted my priorities.  I decided to forget about going to UCT and instead find something to do in Durban.  With the help of my dad, I got into a technical college and completed a Travel and Tourism diploma. Quite a detour, right.  But looking back at it now (and from my fatalistic perspective), it certainly was for the best.  I cannot now imagine myself as a lawyer and although my Tourism diploma never really amounted to a successful workplace career, it did have its uses.  One was meeting my (now) husband which of course led to my daughter – and that I would not change for all the world. 🙂  It also gave me the freedom to, later, pursue a degree in Education.

The second, and probably biggest physical detour in my life would be the move to England.  That was a particularly difficult decision to make.  I had to consider a lot of things before deciding on the move.  When people find out that I am a South African, the first question they ask is: “Why come to England, especially from sunny South Africa?”  My answer is always the same: “A better future for my daughter.”  But that is the simple answer, really.  there was a lot more to making that decision.  I had to consider leaving my parents behind, alone, no immediate family anywhere near them.  I had to consider my job prospects in South Africa and compare them with those in England (as it turns out, it’s pretty much the same!) AND I had to consider my daughter, her future education and her opportunities.  And that is what swung it in the favour of England.  So I was meant to come here and I did.  And I am glad for that.  Had I not come to England, I would not have met all the wonderful people that I have.  I would not have realised my passion for writing.  I would not be as healthy as I now am.

Forks.

I am a Libran, a typical Libran.  Which makes me useless at making hard and fast decisions without a whole lot of procrastination, many questions and a ton of self-doubt to precede the decision.  So the worst thing that fate can do to a Libran (aside from throwing a whole lot of money at them) is give them a fork.  Now I have already spoken about detours (closely linked to forks) but here I am talking about those left vs right, right vs wrong, good vs bad decisions, rather than physical detours.  I often wonder if I made the right decision when I decided to do my Bachelor of Education Degree (correspondence and over 6 years).  It was damned hard work and the rewards I have got from it thus far have been, well, less than rewarding.  However, from my fatalistic point of view, I can say that majoring in Secondary and FET English has stood me in fairly good stead with regard to my writing abilities (well, I think so anyway :D) so I guess it was meant to be.  I’m not saying I have always taken the right road when confronted with a ‘fork’.  Actually I am more prone to making the wrong choice.  But somehow it works out in the end.

Bumps.

Well, I have had a load of those in my life.  A big bump was when I was ill in my teens.  But you can learn A LOT from bumps.  I learnt very quickly that people can be very unsympathetic when they lack understanding – so I try to be patient and understanding with others (although sometimes this can be quite hard). I learnt that friends, even ones you may think are good, aren’t always the best kind of friend.  I’ve learnt that sometimes even teachers can be a-holes.  What did this mean for me?  I like to suss people out before actually making friends with them.  I am more careful who I make friends with and I think I am pretty good at judging a person so I know who I can open up to and who to keep at arm’s length.  Although sometimes I do still misjudge people.  Probably because I like people and like being sociable. 😀  What can I say, that’s life!

My working life, or lack thereof is another ‘bump’ in my road.  Now a lot of people ask me, on a regular basis, how things are in my working life and if I have had any luck. And I always reply, with a smile (because how else do you answer such a question) that I am still in search of my dream job.  But when they ask why I haven’t tried something else, my response is that what is right for me will come to me.  When the right job comes along – I do look for jobs and am not lazy –  (and no I’m not fussy, I do apply for anything and everything under the sun), fate will lead me to it.

Now a happy ‘bump’ in my life, is of course my daughter.  She came at the right time in my life and has been a real blessing to me.  Whenever I get myself down in the doldrums and wonder why fate has decided to poke me over and over again with a sharp needle, all I have to do is look at my daughter and I remember that life really is only as tough as we make it 😀

People

Now I really do believe that every single person who enters into your life, is there for a reason.  They may be a part of your life for a long time and have little, if any impact at all (or so you may think) but their purpose in your life may be hidden and will reveal itself when the time is right.  Then there are those who are in and out in a flash but their effect is immediate and long-lasting.  I have come across both types in my life so far.  Long term (and not including blood family here ) are partners, spouses, and very good friends.  And short-term, well I have met one or two that I wish could become long-term and one or two that I wish I had never met.

Then there are those who come into your life and completely turn your peaceful existence on its head.  Those people have such a lasting effect and make such a great imprint on your life that you know that as soon as they are gone, your heart will lose something of itself.  And you will bear that lit candle within, waiting for their return.  If you come across such a person, consider yourself to be very lucky indeed.  Most of us go through life without ever meeting that person.  Has fate smiled down on you?  Have you met such a person?

I do have to query what game fate plays with us.  At times, she can be very cruel and sometimes it is very difficult to see why a certain person or obstacle is placed before us.  Occasionally the reasons become clear right away but for many, it can take years before the reason is revealed.  What I do know is that it is always best to let fate play out her hand.  Don’t push against it.  Every time I have pushed against fate, I have taken the wrong road.  Now I try my best to be patient and wait for the answers to reveal themselves.

What are your thoughts on the subject?  I would love to know!

 

Copyright  © 270712 by Karen Payze

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8 Comments

  1. For me, the jury is out on the whole “fate” thing. For one, I don’t particularly like the concept. The whole idea of being swept along by a current, and whatever happens does so, regardless of our efforts – well, that just troubles me. It’s very easy to blame – or credit – karma. If we lose something, it was bad luck, if we meet the love of our life, it was meant to be. Respectfully – nuts.
    I prefer to think that we make our own fate, at least to a degree. By and large, we and our lives are products of our choices, our surroundings, and our outlook. So for that reason, I guess I’m neither fatalistic, nor optimistic. What is, is.
    Of course, now that I’ve said all that, I’m afraid to get in my car and drive home. 🙂

    • Haha 😉 I do have to point out that at the end of your comment you have said ‘what is, is’. that in itself is somewhat fatalistic don’t you think 😛 thanks for your comment! Hope you’re having a fate-free day 😀

      • Oh, I don’t know…maybe all of this “is” fate, and we can swing at whatever we want without effect. I’ve always been a bit of a control person, so it makes me uneasy. I know much of my life has been formed by my own decisions – some dumb ones – and I have no one else to blame. Other things would be easy enough to attribute to karma. I guess we’re left with trying our best, and let the chips fall as they may, hmm?

        • Indeed 😀

  2. That’s quite the journey you have had so far through life!

    I don’t believe in fate, it veers a bit too close to the supernatural, religious side of things.

    Life throws you into various situations that are beyond your control, and it’s up to the individual to do the best with what they have. Some people, of course, take this notion too far, and make things worse for the rest of us, but that’s when we all gang up to kick them in the balls.

    • Haha I like that!would be nice to kick fate itself in the balls (if it has any) sometimes :))

  3. The characters in my 9-book historical saga Tierra del Oro deal with this very question. I felt compelled to write their stories over a lot of years, with much angst on my part when the pressure to continue was almost overwhelming, as I wanted to arrive at an answer for myself by writing the books. Book # 7 is due out next month, and I’m vetting the last two in preparation for launch in Oct and Dec this year. So I’m glad I persisted. As for arriving at an answer…I see my life as a mixture of both–having the freedom to make decisions, and exercising the faith that even the “wrong” ones will turn out right in the end.

    • Wow, fantastic! Good luck for the new book release 😀 and I would agree with you that sometimes our fates are in out own hands and sometimes things are beyond our control, which is why I try not to push against it too much. 🙂

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